I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
50% drunk capacity currently
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
