I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
