I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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