Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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