His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
