I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
50% drunk capacity currently
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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