So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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