He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
