3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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