last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize