absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
