Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
