Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
