Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
