You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
