dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize