When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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