I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
