So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
