Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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