I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
