I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
