You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
