Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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