drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
