This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
