i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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