We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
