I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize