Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize