That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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