we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
