I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
