I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
