I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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