You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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