If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
