Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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