i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
