This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
