and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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