i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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