I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think i just lost a toe
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
