im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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