Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I did not marry a roomba.
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