just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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