its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
