I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
