8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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