first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
