i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
