What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
