I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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