I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
