Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
