At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
