God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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