im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
