My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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