So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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