That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You made out with two different species that night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
