i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you win again, gameday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
