she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize