I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have fence marks all over my body
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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