well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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