I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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