We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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