I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
