he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
