i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
