i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
