I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
